take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
