Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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