All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
