Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
