theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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