3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
