I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
You can't motorboat a personality
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
