my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
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