dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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