i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
