It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
