Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
