He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Randomize
