did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
