so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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