She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
