i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
