I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Randomize
