Moan for me like Helen Keller
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize