Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Randomize
