I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Randomize
