Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
