Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
