this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Randomize
