we have officially mastered the walk of shame
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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