i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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