He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
