I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize