i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Randomize
