I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Randomize