THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
