This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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