that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
