we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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