Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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