I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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