the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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