well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
