He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
