This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
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