i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!