Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
