What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
