Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
