Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you