Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
29 Frat Parties That Got Way Too Out Of Control
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E