I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Randomize
