I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize