what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
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hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
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Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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