I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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