I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
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