Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
