In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
