I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
