Even water is tasting like jack daniels
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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