Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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