The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
she pinky promised me she was 18
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
