this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
