Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
