Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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