i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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