I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
