I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
