This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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