Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
