I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
