someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I'm getting married
To pizza
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
