Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
