Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
