I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
