plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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