dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Randomize
