butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
