I got chris browned last night
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
