2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
